It’s late and I’m a tad intoxicated but I believe this story needs to be told. Let’s start from the beginning.

My week in Arizona has been the single greatest experience of my life. I’m truly blessed to have this job and to be fortunate enough to cover the Super Bowl. One of the highlights of the week, and my adult life, came on Saturday when Andre Tippett was finally inducted into the Hall of Fame. When I’m on my death bed, I will remember hugging Tip after his induction as being one of the greatest moments of my life.

So, after a great day we are driving back to our hotel. I’m sick as a dog by the way. I’m basically coughing up a lung and all I want to do is sit in my room and watch college basketball. As the car pulls into the Sleep Inn, I’m just moments away from a nice, relaxing evening. Just as I’m opening the door to exit the car, Andy Hart receives a phone call from Gary Grodecki. Gary tells Andy that he has two tickets to the Penthouse Party tonight. Paul is out because his wife is here. Erik is out for obvious reasons. Andy, in his quest to see a pair of boobies, sets his sights on a worn down, ailing Tom Casale. As I try every excuse in the book not to go to the party, Andy says, “If you don’t go, I’ll never let you live it down.” I had no choice.

So after waiting 30 minutes for a cab that was supposed to take 10 minutes to arrive, Sal finally pulls up. Sal is a unique character. He tells us he knows exactly where we are headed but it will cost $49 to get there. Moneybags Hart tells him no problem and we’re off. On the way to downtown Scottsdale, there is an accident but no worry because Sal tells us he knows all the side streets. Sal then takes three different routes that leads us to a dead end street while he looks for Miller Road. He then finds Miller Road, which winds up being a dead end street in its own right. Sal then tells us he needs to find Hayden Road, not Miller Road. After going down another dead end street or two, Sal finally gets us there. At first we thought $49 was a bit much but it ended up taking us an hour and a half to go 10 miles, so we actually made out on the deal.

We get to the Penthouse party and the Dallas Cowboys team bus is parked outside. I embarrass Andy by taking pictures of it and we walk in. It took about half a second to realize that this was a complete sausagefest. There are 200 guys and roughly 10 girls in this place.  I’m mad as hell because I just wanted to go sleep but Andy dragged me to this party. Andy wants to leave right away but to pay him back, I pretend that I’m not having a terrible time and start sucking down Miller Lights hand over fist. After an hour, the party was so bad that I couldn’t go on with the charade any longer and I tell Andy to call Sal. Much to our dismay, Sal is headed the wrong way on a one-way street somewhere in Northern Scottsdale and tells us it will be an hour. Meanwhile, more and more guys continue to walk in. I make a comment that all this bar needs is Erik and it would be a gay bar. Seriously, there are like nine girls there and only one of them is hot. It was awful.

When the highlight of the night is some Patriots fan coming up to you and rubbing your shoulder, it’s not what your looking for. Finally, Andy and I run for the door. Andy calls Sal to see how much longer it will be and Sal says he’s parked behind the Cowboys bus but we missed him and he’s there to pick up another party. Andy and I bumrush the cab and get inside and tell Sal to hit the gas. As he drives off, Sal’s cell phone rings and we can see the guy out the window who is calling him. We give the guy the finger and drive off.

Amazingly, Sal gets us back to the Sleep Inn without going down any dead end roads. I tell Sal that we are going to blog about him and promote his business, even though he’s an awful driver. So to recap, Andy and I paid $120 to spend two and a half hours in a car, hang out with a bunch of dudes and drink six beers. Oh yeah, we heard Snoop Dogg. There’s nothing like listening to Snoop Dogg in a room full of 35-year virgin men dancing by themselves. Also, I think at one point Andy was hitting on me, which made me nervous.

Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to pass out. Good night.